I’ll admit it. People have left my church. Attendance has been down a little lately. That’s why I was interested in a talk that Nelson Searcy gave recently at a coaching event describing why some people leave church.
He mentioned that one of the major reasons why people leave the church is because of sin in their life. Most people don’t mention this when they leave, of course. If asked, they will usually speak about superficial things like music or the children’s ministry. But they leave because he says, “it’s impossible for people to live too long without congruence between belief and behavior.”
For example, there may be someone that is struggling with a sin that they have overcome, but later on fall back into. For many, this lack of congruence between their belief and behavior causes them to split.
So what suggestions does he offer?
We need to teach that we’re churches of grace. We need to be “welcome back” churches. When we haven’t seen someone for awhile, instead of making them feel bad for not having been there, we need to welcome them back like the father of the prodigal son.
So how good are you at noticing people that have left and welcoming them back when they arrive?
I have to admit that with two churches, I often can’t even tell if someone hasn’t been there! Sometimes I may go a month or two before noticing and remembering that I haven’t seen someone in a while. So I do my best to try to remember, and give those that I haven’t seen a call or a note.
There was a family that I hadn’t seen in a year and a half. They attended for about 6 months, and then fell off the side of the earth. I never saw them again. I would call, and leave messages. I wanted to see them, but, it seems, they did not want to be seen. Finally one day I caught them on the phone and I told them I wanted to see them because I missed them. When I stepped into their home and, after speaking to them for a little while, I could tell that they had fallen back into some sins that they were not proud of. To make matters worse, their house had gone into foreclosure, and they were now living somewhere else. Emotionally, they felt defeated, and in the words of the wife, “would not be of any good to anyone at church.” It really pained me to hear her say that because it means that I had not made it clear enough that the church is a hospital for people that are sick and messed up. So I took a moment to pour out my soul and give them the true picture of what a church really is–a bunch of messed up people that are on a journey together, following Christ.
Hopefully when they do show back up, we can surround them, celebrate with a hug, and welcome them back as if they’ve never been gone.
What about you? What have you noticed about why people are leaving churches? What are you doing to follow up with those that have left? How are you welcoming them back?