What It Feels Like To Be An Outsider: My Experience In a Jewish Service

May 3, 2011 in missional with 0 Comments

If you go to any church on a regular basis you’re probably pretty comfortable being there. People know you, you know them. Life is good, right? Especially if you’re a pastor or leader, though, I think it’s a good experience to see what it’s like to be a first-time guest all over again by visiting a church or service where you’ve never been before. I had the opportunity to do this recently in a Jewish service.

While on a recent cruise with my wife we noticed that there was a Friday evening and Saturday evening Shabbat service in the chapel of the ship. Being curious and wanting to have some religious fellowship we decided to go to the Saturday evening service. As we walked down the hall to the entrance of the chapel we could hear what sounded like loud singing coming from the chapel itself. We nervously entered and in a span of about two seconds I quickly scanned the room and decided that we didn’t quite fit in.

For one, we were a few minutes late and the service was already in full gear. There was no one to welcome us in. It was a group of about 15 men and my wife was the only woman there. They were all wearing a kippah (head covering). I made eye contact with one of the men and mouthed the question “is it ok to come in?” as I motioned to one of the back pews. He nodded his head and they continued singing.

So there we were. They were doing their thing. We were slightly stunned and shocked and not sure what to do with ourselves. As I turned to my right I could see a stack of “prayer books” that they were reading out of. I opened the book and stared at it blankly. On each page the right side was in Hebrew while the left page was in English. I had no idea what page we were on. Occasionally someone would announce the page number. At one point the men stood up, turned to one side of the room towards Jerusalem, and gesticulated and moved back and forth as they prayed.

After sitting down for a few more minutes of prayer the men stood up and started greeting each other and hugging while we watched from the corner of the room. ”I think the service is finished,” whispered Iveth to me as we stood silently. As we were walking out I asked one of the men why the rabbi was reading the prayers so quickly.

“Yes, he was going really quick like an F-15…it’s just that we have to be done by 8:30pm,” he said.

“What happens at 8:30?”

“Well, that’s when the women have their service?”

“So the men and woman worship separately?”

“Of course!”

Wow. Awkward.

Iveth and I both walked away feeling rather odd and embarrassed.

So what’s the moral of the story? Should they have had the service in English? I don’t think so. They shouldn’t change 5,000 years of tradition just for me. I just know that it was an interesting experience for me to feel what it’s like to be an outsider. They were clearly apathetic to my presence. Not excited or angry…just ok that I was there.

As a Christian pastor these kinds of issues are near and dear to my heart. I know that for many, church is a place where they want to experience a kind of fellowship. Yes, they come searching for God, but their concept of God is often interpreted through the lens of how people in the church treat them. This whole experience was a good personal reminder of our call to offer biblical hospitality to people when they come to our churches. To treat the stranger as a special guest. How that looks like will probably be different, of course, but I think churches should make some effort.

What about you? Have you ever had an uncomfortable experience being a first time guest at some kind of service? What did it feel like?

[image by DayDreamPilot]