Moving Past the First Layer of Leadership
In the past, I generally thought of respect as being something that comes automatically for a leader. Like a crown that’s bestowed upon someone. For some people, that’s still generally true. If you’re a pastor or have a few letters behind your name, some people will automatically confer a certain level of deference and respect upon the leader.
This kind of respect can be quite deceiving, though, and I think represents only the first layer of leadership. People will give you respect in the beginning, but it’s something that only lasts a certain amount of time.
Through the years I’ve learned that there are two more important factors in determining your longevity of leadership and people’s ability to respect and follow you.
The first is trust.
People want to know you. They want to have a sense that they have a connection with you. I think many leaders, especially pastors, fail in this arena because they want to project the right “image.” So they’ll always dress a certain way. They always wear “the uniform” of proper words or of dressing a certain way. And if they do manage to get on Facebook or Twitter, they only ever quote Scripture or something.
But here’s the deal: transparency corresponds to trust. If people have a sense that they know you, and are human even (*gasp*), they may even begin to trust you. Now I know this can be taken too far, but that’s why I’m not afraid to share some things on Twitter or Facebook. It’s not some kind of intentional strategy on my part to build trust, but I’m ok with letting people know that I am a real person outside of the pulpit and church. And hopefully people are able to see that there is a consistency with the person outside of the pulpit, as the person behind the pulpit.
The second factor is time.
If you’ve battled, locked horns, laughed, cried, and ministered with people, trust and respect will slowly ensue- most of the time. But these things take time. And it takes time for people to see that you are willing to keep fighting and working, even when things aren’t looking very good.
So why am I writing this? To encourage you to stick it out and keep fighting. Sometimes people get frustrated because they’re encountering people in the first level who are not abiding by the rules and conferring respect.
If you’re encountering this just remember: converting them takes trust and time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are you.
So what do you think? What’s been your experience in this arena?
[image by shoot art not each other]
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Rodlie
A pastor friend reminded me of something important. Jesus was a respector of all people and thus we should respect people regardless of our status. So we don’t necessarily gain someone’s respect but their trust.
Our members say this too often. “you have to earn our respect”. I disagree with this premise. I have to earn their trust. And yes, they could lose their respect for me if I fail them over and over again, but respect should be offered until proven otherwise.
My 2 cents:)
I think that trust and respect go hand in hand. If you’ve earned their trust, you have their respect. So although I think in an ideal world we wouldn’t have to “earn the respect” of our people, in reality I think we do.
And I agree with you that respect should be given….and my point was that some always will. But others won’t give you that respect until you “earn it.”
I know…it all gets kind of confusing. But if you want to call it trust, it’s fine. It takes time to build that as well