Digital Boundaries in the Church and Why I’m on Facebook and Twitter
In the last few weeks Facebook has instituted some new privacy settings. They give you more control over who gets to see your stuff. Here’s one post by the New York Times on how to change and edit some of those.
All this has made me think more about boundaries.
In the same article it mentions how many workplaces and schools have instituted protocols where you cannot become a “friend” of your student. And I think I can see why. Older adult. Younger student. Not usually the best recipe.
But what about in the church? What do you think? Should a church be different? What’s it like for you to be a facebook “friend” of your pastor?
I’m interested to hear your responses on that.
Here’s why I enjoy being connected on Facebook and Twitter to my congregation, though.
1. It adds a connection point
I think anything that reminds me of someone is a good thing. When I log on and see how one of my “friends” are doing, it makes me want to send them a quick note. Or if they don’t seem to be having a good day, I may give them a call. As they say, “out of sight, out of mind.” So this helps to avoid that.
2. It humanizes people
I think that transparency corresponds to trust. I want to be authentic in all areas of my life. Whether in front of a church or in my home. Back in the day pastors were actually admonished to not share too much of their life. To always be in a suit. Otherwise, the “image” of the pastor will be damaged. Personally, I don’t feel like that’s the case anymore. Especially with the younger generations. So when I share on Facebook or Twitter I think it helps to build a bridge of connection and understanding, and helps people to see that, though I am a pastor, I am a human being with red blood as well.
Of course we should always be careful about what we share in a somewhat public arena.
So what do you think? Should a church be different? What’s it like for you to be a facebook “friend” of your pastor? Does it help or hinder the relationship?
[image by bejealousofme]
Related posts:
Hey Rodlie, great topic for discussion. I think a person's comfort level with being Facebook friends with their pastor is probably the same as their comfort level with being offline friends with their pastor. If you can be your real self around your pastor offline, you can probably do the same online. If you get uncomfortable and feel like you have to clean up your act around your pastor offline, you're probably going to feel the same way online. There are lots of great benefits for pastors to use social networking tools like Facebook & Twitter. I wrote about that not too recently & referenced a newspaper article about the topic as well. Social Networking Sites Benefit Pastors, Congregations in Many Ways http://blog.ourchurch.com/2009/11/13/social-netwo…
You pose some interesting points here. There are other angles too, but all in all, I've come to decide that it's much more beneficial for me to be 'friends' with my parishoners than to avoid them on FB or avoid FB in order to avoid them. But as a general rule, I allow them to friend-request me, just so that I'm providing the opportunity to be respectful of their space.
I don't know the exact figure, but probably 80% of my FB "friends" are former students/parishioners. Making a rule that pastors/teachers cannot "befriend" their parishioners/teachers on FB is kind of naive, I think. To refuse to "befriend" a parishioner/student on FB is only addressing an expression of the problem, not the problem itself. For example, to piggy-back off of what Paul was saying, if a pastor/teacher is in danger of having an inappropriate relationship with his/her parishioners/students online, it's a danger offline, too (and vice a versa). The world is online, and the distinction between online and offline ethics is fading. There will obviously always be a difference in the way people interact online, as opposed to offline, but the guiding principles/ethics behind online interaction shouldn't be much (if any) different than offline interaction.
That's a great link. Thanks for sharing. Yeah, I agree. You must be the same in both places. Authenticity is a biggie for me.
I think Jason had a point, though. I'm thinking, for example, of some of my youth in my churches. I wouldn't feel I have the "right" to befriend them. Perhaps they wouldn't want me to see stuff on their wall or something like that. But if they friend me, they're giving me permission to enter into their space. I know for a young person, anyway, I'd want to give them the power to give me permission to enter into their space. But if someone is older, of course, I wouldn't see any issue.