Archive - October, 2009

Life Coaching Resources: Part One

October 30, 2009 in leadership with 0 Comments

In this post I wrote about how I finally finished a coaching process that I’ve been going through. The purpose of this whole process is to teach you some “life coaching” skills.

I’d like to now share some of the books that I’ve gone through in the process. So in case you can’t go through a similar process, you can always grab the books and be just as well. I’m not going to go into much detail on each one at all, but will try to give a few sentences of what the book is about.

This books teaches you some of the basic coaching skills of listening, curiosity, how to use intuition, etc. The most valuable part of this book is the resources that it comes with. Each chapter has lots of live coaching excerpts, and the last third of the book is filled with a “Coach’s Toolkit.” The toolkit includes various forms, other examples, a cd with live coaching conversations, and outlines for various coaching processes.

The second book is “Coaching for Performance.” What I like the most about this book is that he clearly makes the case that a coach is not one who is an expert in the field of his coachee. A good coach can step into any field and help the coachee move further along in his professional development.
He gives the example of coaching in tennis. Many professional sports coaches ask ineffective questions or issue ineffective commands such as “keep your eye on the ball.” Instead, a curious coach who has no expertise in the field can ask questions that will prove to be more helpful such as “Which way is the ball spinning as it comes towards you? How highly is it this time as it crosses the net? Does it spin faster or slower after it bounces, this time-each time?”
Of particular usefulness is the acrostic the author developed to provide a framework for a coaching conversation: GROW
Goals: “What would you like to get out of this session? I have half an hour for this, where would you like to have got to by then?” (p. 56). In essence, it’s asking the client what goal they’d like to arrive to by the end of the time together. They may want to develop an outline, have a clear idea of an action step, or know which way to go in a decision.
Reality: This stage helps the client to focus on their current reality and what their situation is like right now.
Options: In this stage, the coach is helping the coachee to review as many possible options as possible for their current situation.
Will: In this stage you’re helping the coachee to make a commitment to when and how they’ll resolve the matter. The author delineates some possible questions to use in this section: “What are you going to do? When are you going to do it? Will this action meet your goal? What obstacles might you meet along the way?” (p. 90).

The last book I’ll mention in this post is Fierce Conversations. The crux of the book is that as leaders and coaches, we all have fierce conversations that we need to have. Whether it be with our coachees or with the people that we work with. It’s much easier to pretend that things are ok. But true growth comes when we are willing to have those “fierce conversations.” In the book she presents her own process for coaching. She describes it as going on a “mining expedition” to find the core issue.
Here are her seven steps
1. Identify your most pressing issue
2. Clarify the issue
3. Determine the current impact
4. Determine the future implications
5. Examine your personal contribution to this issue
6. Describe the ideal outcome
7. Commit to action
As you can see, there are little variations between the different frameworks involved. They’re all fairly similar.
I believe there was actually a fourth book that I also went through in my first year in this process, but I can’t remember which one it is.
In the next post I’ll share concerning the books read in the second year. To go directly to it click here.

When the Big Project Fails

October 27, 2009 in Evangelism,missional with 16 Comments

Something failed recently.

In the previous post I mentioned how the last month had been a really busy one for me because I was preparing and starting a new prophecy series in both of my churches. I did a ton of prep work. Everything that I knew to do I did.

Here are a few of the things I did to prepare and create some buzz.

1. Had info and banner on website
2. Ordered a series banner that we hung outside our church
3. Got some 5×7 series cards in the neighborhoods around the church
4. Gave the church members some business card-sized series invite cards
5. Started on a good date
6. Picked a good topic
7. Did some Google Adwords adverstising
8. Did some targeted Facebook ads that received over 500,000 impressions

Needless to say, this is the most I’ve prepared for any series I’ve ever done. I was expecting to break some attendance barriers and have a big beginning for our big fall series.

What happened?

Not much. We had about 5 guests turn out, which I’m extremely thankful for. But not only did we not break any attendance records on that date, but our attendance was a little less than average! Ouch.
So what do you do when the big project fails?

I have no idea. Perhaps some of you can help me with that.
But here’s what I am doing. I’m trying to be as faithful as I can with the people that are coming for this series. Trying to be as intentional about follow up, answering questions, and making sure that our church is a safe place where they can come and check out these claims.

I’m also trying to build into our culture that some kind of failure is ok. We like to experiment and some things stick to the wall. Other things bounce off or ooze slowly down the wall.

That’s what I do know.

But all that being said, it does still hurt when the big project fails.

So what about you? What have you learned from projects that you’ve failed in? Or maybe you have some consulting insight as to what happened in this project. Jump in.

[image by Juan Freire]

When the Busy Seasons Come

October 27, 2009 in leadership with 0 Comments

So this has been one of the busiest seasons in my life. It’s my first chance to actually take a breather. I was involved in a week of prayer recently in which I needed to prepare two topics per day. One for the high school kids and another for the elementary kids. In addition, I started an evangelistic prophecy series in each of my churches, at the same time. To add on top of that I’ve had lots of other meetings, trainings, and events that I’ve had to attend.

Yes, looking back on those I would schedule things out differently.
But it’s made me think about the ball that inevitably has to drop when one gets busy.
For me I’ve noticed it’s this blog. If you look on the blog archives you’ll notice that last month was the month in which I’ve written the most for this blog. I had 21 posts for the month of September. Followed by this month in which this will be my 4th post of the month.
Yes, this is the ball that has to drop when things get really, really busy.
Sorry.
So what about you? What’s the ball that drops in your life when you become super busy in your church or organization?
[image by tdub303]

The Importance of Listening Well

October 16, 2009 in leadership with 0 Comments

Earlier in the week I was in a training session with Nick Howard. He’s the founder of Cypress River, which is a Christian coaching firm helping leaders function at a higher level. It’s been a two-year process as part of a group that he meets with and I feel like I’ve learned quite a bit. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned comes in the area of learning to listen.

Most people do not listen well. As someone is speaking we’re already mentally preparing the next thing that we’re going to say as soon as the person takes a breath. And this is the biggest lesson I’ve learned through this coaching process–how to coach and listen to someone else.
When I’m listening to someone, I’m trying to concentrate on being completely present for that person. I’m not thinking about what I might say or how I might respond. I’m only going to go where that person wants to go. And it’s an amazing thing when you listen well to someone. Without you giving any answers or trying to solve their problem they come up with their own solutions and feel a sense of clarity. It can be a powerful process.
I know when I’ve been listened to well I come away with a feeling of enormous gratitude. How nice of someone to just walk down whatever road I want to walk down on.
Listening well is a free gift you can give someone today. Whether it’s a spouse, a friend, or someone you work with. It will make a difference.
Now that I’ve finished this coaching process I’ll probably take some time to review some of the books that I’ve gone through in the process in case someone might find them helpful.

So what about you? When was the last time someone really listened to you well? What was it like for you to receive that gift?
[image by BL1961]

On The Edge of Catalyst Conference

October 7, 2009 in leadership with 0 Comments

I just arrived in Atlanta ready to check out a full day and a half of Catalyst. Haven’t heard of the Catalyst Conference? It’s one of the premier christian leadership conferences in the U.S. The 2009 conference is particularly exciting as it’s going to have some great speakers including Andy Stanley, Rob Bell, Malcolm Gladwell, Tony Dungy and many others.

Conferences like this are useful for a variety of reasons:
1. Inspiration
It’s always fun to hear how God is blessing other ministries and leaders. It’s exciting to be in the presence of other Christians who are excited to worship God and learn how to make THE mission more effective.
2. Perspective
Whenever you hear different speakers, especially speakers that you’re not used to hearing, it widens your perspective. It helps you to learn and see that your way is not the only way. Usually you find out that it’s not the best way.
3. Learning
I attended last year for the first time. By the end of the conference I left with several books that I wanted to read, and was filled with practical leadership lessons and principles that I’ve been able to make my own and implement in my own context.
Over the next few days I’ll be sharing some of those leadership lessons that I’m learning here. And by the way, if you’ve never been, make plans now to go to the one next year. It will be good. It will be worth it.
By the way, if you’re here, feel free to post some comments about the biggest lessons that you’re learning.

The Problem With Loving Your Form of Technology

October 4, 2009 in technology with 0 Comments

I recently guest posted this on ChurchCrunch.com.

Here’s a quote from the beginning:

I remember it like it was yesterday.

One moment I’m in 8 year old dreamland, and the next minute I’m hearing the crazy sounds of southern gospel music with vocal accompaniment from my parents. They would hit the play button and instantly the entire house would be filled with singing. Really, really loud singing.

Apparently they thought that the twang of Dolly Parton singing “I Believe In Angels” was the perfect alarm clock to wake up a brood of four sleepy kids before heading off to church. They were wrong. I remember screaming whenever they would turn on the music. It irked me to my core. “How insensitive,” I thought, that they would do that?

For the full post click here.

[image by Sammy0716]